2nd letter to M

Dear M,

Once again, you are fast asleep in your cot. I just brought you into our room at 11pm after your older brother has fallen asleep.

This is our nightly routine:
After washing up, you will have your milk and fall asleep (but you have not been drinking much these few days; could be due to teething. I hope there is nothing wrong with mummy’s’ milk). After yr bro has fallen asleep, I will go over to the home office to bring you back to your cot in our room.

At 2am, you will wail for your milk. I will make a mad rush to the kitchen to fix up a bottle of formula and rush back to the room before you wake your brother up. But it is too late; he is already stirring and calling out for me. Nowadays, I make your dad do the 1m dash so that I can stay by the both of you.

After your dad returns to the room, I would plonk you onto the pillow so that I can hold the bottle with my left hand while I pat your bro to sleep with my right. If all goes well, you will continue to drink while half asleep and filtering out your bro’s constant demands of “Mummy, pat pat!” If unfortunately you are awoken by it, your Dad would try to pat your bro while I scoop you up in my arms and try to lull you to sleep. However, your Dad is seldom successful in patting yr bro as he does not know the “sweet spot” that the hand should land. However, I would say that your dad is pretty good at lulling you to sleep.

If you did not survive this frenzy, you would be wide awake with a half-consumed bottle of milk. Your dad would then bring you back to the home office to sleep with kaka who will also complete the feeding.

If both your bro and you manage to settle back to sleep, then the next session would begin at 4am when your bro stir and start talking loudly in his sleep. Most of the time, it would be “I don’t like this!” or “I want to go outside!” I would quickly pacify him to sleep by patting him and desperately hoping that he will not wake you up. Again, if we manage to survive this, you get to stay in your room till 6.30am when kaka will bring you back to the home office as your bro will start tossing and whining at 7am till the time he wakes up. Pls pardon him as he has been doing this since he was a baby.

M, I wish that I can be the one whom you go to sleep with and the first one you see when you wake up. I wish to co-bed with you so that you can feel my body warmth. (I know I am going to regret this down the road as it is a hard habit to kick when you grow older). Most importantly, I wish that you will not feel that you are a 2nd class citizen, having to be transported in and out of your room every night and in the morning. You are in no way of lesser importance than your bro except that he arrived 2 yrs earlier than you and we don’t have any spare room to set up your nursery.

If I could, your nursery will be the prettiest in the whole world because it is decorated with love by your parents.

I always ask your bro “You know Mummy loves you, right?” He always answer “Yes”

I can’t wait to ask you the same question and know that I will hear the same reply.

Baby M, you are my special gift from God and I love you so.

xxxooo,
Mummy