49 days

I need to pen this down before time corrodes my emotions. It has been 49 days since my Father-in-law passed away.

The past 49 days has been a blur for me and the family is still coming to terms with his premature death. In every way, we feel that he was robbed from us.

My FIL, or Father as I call him, recently retired early in the year. The retirement was welcomed as that means being to live life at an easier pace for him and being able to fully recuperate from a severe fall from 1 year back. 2 months into retirement, the stroke strike him down and he never woke up from a coma.

In the 13 days when he was in ICU, we lived with the hope that he will wake up. But implications after implications made it difficult to believe in the miracle. It pains us to see him deteriorating as the medications has little effect to improve him condition nor will it bring him back to a level of basic functionality. It was merely keeping his body alive. The decision to stop medication was witnessed by his love ones. Without the medication, it was a matter of time and we know time always win.

After keeping vigilant for nearly 20 hours and comforted that he is able to hold on without medication, we headed back home for a short rest. Father chose this moment to breathe his last the minute we all reached home.

This is my Father, the man who always put others before him. Deep down, I believe that he didn’t want to pass away in full view of all his family and relatives keeping vigilant in the hospital. He wanted to ensure that we are all home safely before he bid farewell.

My early observation of Father is that he is the one who does the housework. Every weekend, he would be vacuuming the floor, cleaning the toilet or constantly repairing the gadgets in the house that has broken down. Subsequently I noticed that Father seldom gets angry. I often wonder why this trait was not passed onto his children. After marrying into the family, I came to realize that Father is the much respected eldest brother to his siblings. Father is the one that will lend a helping hand to anyone in need.

He is also my Mother-in-law care-giver. Due to her weak knees, my MIL is dependent on him for her doctor’s visit, marketing and even going for a haircut. Never once did he complain that he has to do all these on weekends where a rest is so required.

Every child has in one way or another broke the heart of his or her parent. Like any child, my insensitivity and fiery temper has hurt Father too. Like any father, he has chosen to forgive.

49 days has passed but the pain has not lessened. At times, in the stillness of the night, I would think of him. Every morning, as I walk pass the construction site on my way to work, I would think of him whenever I see a blue lorry carrying construction workers passing by.

Every weekends when we go back to visit my MIL, I half-expect to see him smiling while walking to open the gate for us and jokingly asking the the boys 你是谁?

I am still trying to get use to life without Father. And I know it will take a while.

Father, I still miss you.

The last photo taken with Father during his birthday celebration.